totally overwhelmed by the magnitude of
my feelings– having created clear and
careful boundaries– FINALLY.
though i feel the weight of them
pressing down upon my heart.
walking through the motions–
one foot in front of the other–
a handshake and smile–
the playful game of humanity–
when no face is yours and
none can compare.
and yet the clarity
with which i draw this line cannot
be denied. the fortress i create for
my own protection– i will fortify and
re-fortify perpetually– hoping to eventually
be able to lean into a solidity– find solace
somewhere amidst my own creation.
i always believed my will was strong– until
you entered my sphere– catapulted me into
this dance in which you cannot fully take part.
you make me feel weak– full of cowardice
and stumbling over myself with desire– and
an insistence of recognition– though recognize me
Your iron will puts mine to shame–
mine melted long ago– evaporated–
turned to dust– i cannot compete–
do not want to–
refuse to engage in this battle which
was lost before it began–
my heart dangling by a string–
careful boundaries like threads
used to reinforce that which i know i
cannot hold. the ashes of my will
do not allow for close proximity.
i am no longer capable of touching you.