the edges of myself

totally overwhelmed by the magnitude of

my feelings– having created clear and

careful boundaries– FINALLY.

though i feel the weight of them

pressing down upon my heart.

 

walking through the motions–

one foot in front of the other–

a handshake and smile–

the playful game of humanity–

when no face is yours and

none can compare.

 

and yet the clarity

with which i draw this line cannot

be denied.  the fortress i create for

my own protection– i will fortify and

re-fortify perpetually– hoping to eventually

be able to lean into a solidity– find solace

somewhere amidst my own creation.

 

i always believed my will was strong– until

you entered my sphere– catapulted me into

this dance in which you cannot fully take part.

you make me feel weak– full of cowardice

and stumbling over myself with desire– and

an insistence of recognition– though recognize me

you do.

 

Your iron will puts mine to shame–

mine melted long ago– evaporated–

turned to dust– i cannot compete–

do not want to–

refuse to engage in this battle which

was lost before it began–

 

my heart dangling by a string–

careful boundaries like threads

used to reinforce that which i know i

cannot hold.  the ashes of my will

do not allow for close proximity.

i am no longer capable of touching you.