the edges of myself

yesterday i peeled away a layer

one that had long concealed my vulnerability.

Underneath that film– i found a need to prove myself.

a deep and darkened shame,

a tortured, broken structure that believed

in itself to the point of actualization.

 

As i walked around the landscape

of my deeply held beliefs, turned concrete,

listened to what they whispered in the

darkness, amidst the sobs and whimpers,

i realized they only wanted light– needed

but a voice–

my eyes–

to see them.

my empathy– to tell myself i’ve done

nothing wrong.

there was no failure.

i did a good job.

i’m doing a good job–

 

continuously

stretching myself past the things i’ve

told myself are true.

Constantly molding and remolding my structures

to perfection– their fluid lines and

curving shapes releasing the fear they held

of unborn babes being stopped short–

 

confusion at the hurdle when ease was

expected–

a slippery slide into the world.

the determination and will these hurdles

allow cannot be quantified.

 

It will propel my children forward

through their singing, dancing, laughing lives

with the unconscious understanding

that there is always a way through.