yesterday i peeled away a layer
one that had long concealed my vulnerability.
Underneath that film– i found a need to prove myself.
a deep and darkened shame,
a tortured, broken structure that believed
in itself to the point of actualization.
As i walked around the landscape
of my deeply held beliefs, turned concrete,
listened to what they whispered in the
darkness, amidst the sobs and whimpers,
i realized they only wanted light– needed
but a voice–
to see them.
my empathy– to tell myself i’ve done
there was no failure.
i did a good job.
i’m doing a good job–
stretching myself past the things i’ve
told myself are true.
Constantly molding and remolding my structures
to perfection– their fluid lines and
curving shapes releasing the fear they held
of unborn babes being stopped short–
confusion at the hurdle when ease was
a slippery slide into the world.
the determination and will these hurdles
allow cannot be quantified.
It will propel my children forward
through their singing, dancing, laughing lives
with the unconscious understanding
that there is always a way through.